A Victor's Secret
by jul312
Summary: - Book 2 of A Victor's Ally Series. - After winning the 73rd Hunger Games, Juliet is now a District 9 victor alongside her lifelong friend, Luke. The victors are tested as they face the trials of the Capitol while mentoring their tributes in the 74th Games.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for checking out the second book of the Victor's Ally series! If you haven't already, please read the first book or none of this will make sense!**

**This one will have both Juliet and Luke's point of view, so I hope you enjoy the new perspective.**

**Warnings: This book will be slightly darker than the first book as it deals with prostitution, violence, etc. as it covers what the Victors experience after their games. **

**Chapter 1 – Juliet**

The flying colors of an unidentifiable district filled my vision through the window of the train. I wished more than ever that the empty feeling I worked so hard to maintain would come back, but my walls had come crashing down after my birthday and I hadn't been able to build them back up. It was barely been a week after I had returnedhome for the last stop on my Victory Tour that I awoke to a thick, bright white envelope on my doorstep. I had snatched it up before either my parents or Kit had come across it, but I didn't even need to read it to know what it contained. A day later and here I was, on my way to the Capitol. I hadn't had a chance to even say goodbye to Luke, and no doubt he would be wondering where I was. Hopefully, I would be back before I knew it and I could pretend this was all a nightmare.

The last thing I wanted was to meet with some random Capitol man and be forced to sell the one thing I still had left for myself, but it was too late to turn back now. I briefly wondered what would happen if I just stepped out the nearest train door and onto the deep tracks below. The door probably wouldn't even open if I tried.

I knew Luke would be able to relate to me if I told him, but no matter how much I wanted to, I needed to keep this from him at all costs. He thought he could protect me, but he was in too deep already. It was my turn to protect him now. I hoped that Snow would maintain the deal we had made, but I was constantly keeping an eye out to make sure he was keeping his word. So far, he hadn't called Luke to the Capitol. A small part of me was relieved that he was spared for now, but the selfish part of me was much larger and filled with dread for the fate that awaited me.

I tried not to hold a grudge; Luke and I had tentatively built back up our friendship after the Victory Tour's stop in the Capitol, but I still felt his rejection cut through my stomach like a knife every time I thought about it. After all this time, and after everything we went through, he still kept me at a distance and refused to be with me. If he couldn't be with me now, he never would be able to. The thought that I had lost him forever hurt more than anything else. I thought of his messy hair, beautiful hazel eyes, sharp jawline, and gentle hands. The gentle hands that I wish would be touching me instead of some random man twice my age.

The unusually smooth train hit a sudden bump and my forehead cracked against the window, bringing tears to my eyes. We began to slow, and my stomach plummeted to the floor as the tall, grey Capitol buildings filled my view. I didn't stand until two Peacekeepers came to retrieve me, attempting to delay the inevitable as long as possible.

They escorted me into a building that looked almost identical to the Training Center, but there were no tributes or stylists milling about. The men were almost twice my height and kept their gloved hands on my arms, as if I would be able to escape even if I wanted to try. I was here for a reason, to keep my family safe, and I couldn't back out now. They sent me into the elevator, pushing the ninth button before backing out, leaving me alone with only my reflection in the shiny metal doors.

When I entered my temporary apartment, the first thing I noticed was the envelope on the counter. It was a blinding white, as always, and sealed with a blood red stamp. On the inside was a name, address, and time, exactly as it had been on the one Luke had showed me. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, feeling the desperation creep into my bones. I wished I had been able to tell Luke, and maybe he would have understood that I needed him. They were taking everything from me, stripping me from my dignity. The only thing I had left was a choice, and I wished I had chosen to spend my first time with someone who loved me and cared about me. I almost laughed at the thought; even if Luke wanted to have sex with me, he would never under these circumstances.

I dropped the envelope back onto the counter. I didn't want this for myself.

_Finnick_. Finnick said he would help me. I still had the entire night ahead of me before my presence was required, and I needed Finnick. If he was in the same situation as me, as Luke had said before, then maybe Snow would have called him back too. Desperately, I entered the elevator and jammed my thumb into the fourth button. I had no idea if this building had the same layout as the Training Center or if Finnick would even be here, but my eyes were clouded with tears and my shaking hands were desperate.

The doors opened and I flung myself forward, pounding on the entrance to the apartment I had to assume was meant for the District Four victor. My fists began to throb and I dropped my hands uselessly at my sides. A long moment passed. My heart dropped when I realized he probably wasn't even there.

Suddenly the door flew open, a wide-eyed Finnick on the other side. "Juliet?" He stared, his mouth slightly parted. "What are you doing here?"

I took in his disheveled appearance, reminding me so much of Luke. Finnick had the gift of a few years on Luke, making his face sharper and more angular with a slight trace of stubble on his jawline. His eyes were a beautiful sea-green, but for a moment I could catch the similar glimmer of Luke's hazel ones. His hair, although a sandy blonde in deep contrast with Luke's dark locks, was just as messy and disheveled.

"Finnick." My voice came out as a cry and I lunged forward, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and tugging him forward. I tightened my grip and dragged him down to my level, slamming his lips to mine. After a moment he pulled away, his eyes wide in surprise and confusion.

"What are you doing?" He questioned, blinking rapidly. If it was a different situation I would have laughed that I had caught the suave Finnick Odair off guard.

"Please." I whispered, afraid my hands would shake too violently if I loosened my grip on his shirt. My words came out breathy as I struggled to maintain my composure. "I can't let them take this away from me. This- this needs to be my choice first, on my terms."

He kept my gaze and I could practically see the wheels turning in his mind. He pulled me into the apartment, letting the door shut behind me. I yanked him back down to my lips and he tugged me closer. His large hand wrapped around on my waist, the searing warmth practically burning me through my flimsy jacket. His lips were rough against mine, and it was nothing like the gentle kisses I had shared with Luke. Tears streamed down my face and he jerked back, feeling the wetness on my cheeks.

"No." He dropped his arms, jumping away from me.

"Please." I cried again, my arms uselessly searching for him.

"No." He shook his head aggressively. "No, no. We're not doing this. I'm not doing this to you."

"It's going to happen whether you do it or not." I shrieked, flinging my hands up in anger. "I'd rather it be you."

He hesitated. The look of sympathy in his eyes made me want to throw up. I didn't want his sympathy.

"Juliet, I can't. I'm sorry."

Tears continued to stream down my face and he pulled me in, tugging my in a tight hug and tucking my head under his chin. I pushed at him weakly, but his hold was strong, and I eventually gave in. I clung to him as he stroked my hair, letting me sob all over his shirt.

"It's going to be okay." He promised, but I could tell there was no conviction behind his words.

"No, it won't be." I cried. His light touches on my hair stilled for a moment, and I could feel him breathing deeply against me.

He pulled away slightly, placing his strong hands on the sides of my arms and compelling me to meet his gaze.

"It will be." He sounded stronger this time. "This isn't an easy life, but you have to get through this. For your family."

He was right, but I still felt anger toward him. "You said you would help me, Finnick."

He shook his head again.

"Not like this." His voice turned bitter, but he didn't seem upset with me. "This isn't what you want. I can't do that to you. Or to Luke."

"I don't give a shit about Luke!" I yanked my arms away from him and practically stomped my foot, but my resolve was wavering. I didn't want any of this.

Finnick sighed. "Yes, you do."

I stayed quiet. When Finnick had pulled away, my body temperature had dropped and I felt as cold as I did back in the arena. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself and letting the tears flow silently down my reddening cheeks.

"Follow me." Finnick demanded, turning on his heel and down a hallway. I complied, taking slow steps. He led me to his bedroom, yanking a warm sweater out of one of the drawers and handing it to me. I pulled it silently over my head and let him sit my unresponsive body down on his bed. Without a word he left the room.

I stared at the floor. An intricate design patterned the soft rug under the large bed, and I let my unfocused eyes follow the loops and turns. Finnick returned moments later with a steaming mug in his hand.

"When…" He trailed off, clearly unsure how to phrase his question, "when are they requesting you?"

"Tomorrow." I responded flatly. He nodded, delicately handing me the mug. The warmth burned my fingers, but the pain was welcome. He sat down beside me, the bed dipping lower under his weight.

"I was sixteen when Snow first came to me." Finnick's voice was bitter again, and this time it was clear who he was upset with. "I had no idea what was happening. I had no one to turn to."

His hand was clenched into a fist. I reached out a hand, pulling his fist apart and lacing his fingers through mine. He kept his gaze trained on his lap but squeezed my hand in gratitude.

"I thought I could help Johanna, when she won. I tried to warn her, but she was too angry. She didn't take me seriously. So, they killed her family. Then Luke won. They loved him, and I knew it would happen."

Luke had explained this to me when I had first found out, but hearing it come from Finnick was even more heartbreaking. At least Luke had Finnick to confide in. Finnick had no one. His vulnerability made him seem much younger than I had originally thought, and I realized that he was only three years older than me. He was so young when he became a Victor that he was forced to become an adult at the young age of fourteen. Only a year older than Kit was now.

The older boy glanced at me, testing to see if I already knew this. My expression remained blank, so he took this as a sign to continue.

"I helped him through it the best I could, but it breaks you, Juliet. No one can help us. We just have to survive."

I took a sip from the mug. The heat wasn't as searing as before, but it was hot enough to calm my shivering body.

"I made a deal with Snow." I admitted to Finnick. He looked up in confusion, meeting my eyes for the first time since we sat down.

I continued, "I told him I would do whatever he asked of me if he spared Luke. I didn't think it would work. He still has my entire family to hold against me. But he said yes." I bit my lip, remember the too-smug look on the President's face when he agreed to my terms.

Finnick let a noise that sounded close to a laugh. "He won't spare any of us."

"I think it's worked, so far. Last year, after he won, he got called back to the Capitol so many times. It's only been a couple weeks, but so far there's been nothing."

He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I hope that's true."

His words were sincere, but I could still sense his doubt.

"You can't tell him. I haven't told him anything. This…this would kill him, Finnick. He thought he could protect me, he can't know." Fresh tears welled up in my eyes. I hated how emotional I was being in front of a man I barely knew, but after practically jumping him earlier and being rejected, I couldn't get any lower.

"I won't. I promise." He laughed bitterly. "I'm quite good at keeping secrets, if you haven't heard."

I didn't understand the reference, but I smiled gratefully. He leaned back on the pillows of his bed, patting the spot beside him. I laid down next to him, folding my hands and staring up at the ceiling. We laid in silence for a while, both of us thinking about what was waiting for us tomorrow.

The sky had been dark for ages before Finnick finally spoke again.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

I sighed. "What I _don't_ want is to lose my virginity to some random Capitol man, Finnick. This is all I have left."

"Please, Finnick," I whispered softly, keeping my eyes on the dark ceiling, "I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do, but-"

"This isn't about me, Juliet. This is about you. I don't want you to regret anything."

"I wouldn't. I'm sure."

His next admission was so quiet I wouldn't have heard him if my ear wasn't level with his mouth. "I'm in love with Annie."

I stayed silent for a moment. There was only one Annie he could be talking about, who had won the 70th Hunger Games, but I thought she had gone mad. Perhaps that wasn't a bad thing, considering how Snow treated his desirable victors. I took his hand again.

"I'm in love with Luke." I offered back, the admission making me feel extra guilty for trying to proposition Finnick. However, Finnick was here right now, and I had to remind myself once more than Luke didn't want me.

We both remained silent, staring at the ceiling and laying with our hands clasped between us.

"Okay." He whispered suddenly, turning over to face me. I flipped onto my side, meeting his unreadable expression.

"Okay." I nodded.

He placed a gentle hand on the back of my neck, bringing me forward so his lips could meet mine.

* * *

"I better get going." I spoke lowly, refusing to meet Finnick's eyes. The sun had just risen but we were already in the kitchen, sitting at the table and drinking bitter coffee. I didn't want to be alone after last night so I stayed, but it hadn't done anything to help the insomnia that plagued me. I knew there would be large bags under my eyes but I didn't care. I wanted to look as terrible as possible.

Finnick took the mug from me and brought it to the sink. I could tell by his silence that he felt guilty. I didn't want him to. Yesterday I was desperate, but overnight I had accepted my fate. All I wanted was to make my own decision about my first time, and I would never be able to repay him for giving that to me. He wrapped me in his arms one last time, looking down at me with an unreadable expression.

"You'll be okay."

I gave him a small smile of gratitude before untangling myself from his arms and exiting his apartment.

I shut the door softly behind me. The brief moment of peace I had felt was starting to dissipate, and my legs started to shake again. Before I even pressed the button, the elevator pinged. The doors slid open, revealing someone I instantly recognized.

"Woah, I wasn't expecting to see you here, Nine." Johanna Mason's cutting voice was full of amusement. "I thought you were too busy with your mentor to have time for our resident pretty boy on the fourth floor."

I gaped for a minute, taken aback by her biting tone.

"I- It's not... I wasn't..." I stammered, fumbling with my words. She raised a single eyebrow, looking me up and down as she took in my appearance. I forgot I was still wearing Finnick's sweater. I lowered my head and pushed past her into the elevator. I had a lot more to worry about than the District Seven Victor. She grinned, making a zipping motion in front of her lips as she stepped off onto Finnick's floor. I glared back until the elevator doors finally shut.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ** I'm glad everyone is excited for the second book! Please review and let me know what you think so far or if you have any predictions!

Chapter 2 – Juliet

I stepped off the train and back onto District Nine soil. The sun was starting to set, and a cool breeze calmed my burning skin. I had showered at least four times on the train, but no matter how much I scrubbed and rubbed my skin raw, I still felt disgusting. My hair was soaking wet and my loose clothes hung limply on me, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

To my left, the beautiful fields stretched out before me, no longer golden but a bright, spring green. To the right, the tall silos and grain factories loomed in the distance. I didn't know how long I stood there for, but the train had long since left the station and the sky was now a blazing orange. It was a gorgeous sight, and the coldness in my heart warmed slightly as the comfort of home settled on my shoulders. Unfortunately, it didn't last long once I remembered where I had come from. I turned left toward the fields, following the pristine path that led to the Victor's Village.

In a few short months, I would be walking back down this path toward the Reapings for the 74th Games. I had no idea how many times before then that I would be called back to the Capitol. It had only been once so far, but it didn't seem like the type of thing that would get easier with time. The row of houses came in to view, all of them completely empty besides the three closest to the front. As the sky got dark, the insides of the houses were illuminated and I could see my mother moving around in the kitchen. Across the street, Luke's house was dark. I debated knocking on the door, but for once it wasn't his company I was interested in. It wasn't my family's either.

My feet took down a path I hadn't traveled before. Knocking twice on the front door, I stepped back to observe the porch. It was completely bare, unlike the flowers that littered my own with the personal touch of my mother. The door swung open, revealing Barrick's looming figure. He took in my appearance and damp hair with a bored expression, as if he had been expecting me.

"Come in." He stepped aside, allowing me to squeeze my way into the house. The inside was just as impersonal as the outside. The layout was identical to mine, but it seemed empty and cold without the bustling of my family around the kitchen and the living space. The only light came from the crackling fire place and the dying sun that filtered through the windows.

An array of unopened liquor bottles lined his kitchen counter. I walked over briskly, grabbing myself a glass and unscrewing the top of the nearest bottle. The dark liquid splashed on the counter, drawing Barrick's attention as I brought the glass up to my lips. My face scrunched up at the taste, but I managed to swallow a gulp. The burning sensation gave a false sense relief to the cold feeling in my chest.

"Yea, no." Barrick took the glass from my grip, setting it down at the counter.

"Give it back." I whined, attempting to grab it back. Barrick caught my arm roughly. The tight grip of his fingers caused me to jerk back as if I'd been burned. He let go quickly, understanding blossoming on his face as I breathed heavily.

"You can't resort to alcohol, Juliet. You're seventeen." He chided me gently, reminding me of my father.

"I'm actually eighteen now," I added bitterly, "and I'm old enough for other things."

He shook his head, screwing the cap back onto the bottle. I was already unstable, but his hypocrisy caused my anger to bubble over.

"You're a drunk, Barrick. You're the last person who should be judging me right now." I snapped at the older man, earning an eye roll from him.

"I'm not judging you." He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms, regarding me with a wary expression. "Take from a man who has experience in handling things in terrible ways. This isn't a habit you want to start."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I was exasperated. I just wanted something to take the feelings away.

Barrick shrugged and took a sip from the glass he had swiped from me. "I don't know. Like I said, I handled everything terrible. And look where that got me."

I grimaced, looking at the older man. He was only in his late thirties, but the toll of being a victor had hit him hard. Although he still looked weary and exhausted, he was holding himself different than he had when I was a tribute. He stood a little straighter, and although he still sipped casually from my glass, the usual smell of booze wafting from him was noticeably absent.

Barrick looked past me and out the window. I turned too, but all I saw was an empty neighborhood and a darkening sky. His expression was unreadable as he reached forward and pulled the blinds shut. He repeated this action with all the other windows in the room, leaving only his figure illuminated by the roaring fire.

"Listen, Juliet." He tipped back his head to finish off the rest of the glass, downing it in a few gulps. I made my way over to the fireplace and stood next to him. The heat tingled against my skin, but it did nothing to thaw the ice cold that had fallen over me the past few days.

"People are unhappy. There's change in the air. Can't you feel it?" His words slurred slightly. Although I couldn't smell the booze on him and he wasn't stumbling around like usual, he was still drunk – and definitely a hypocrite.

"I don't know what you're talking about." The flames danced in front of my eyes, putting me in a trance. I hadn't noticed much since I had gotten back from the victory tour. The rest of my life as a victor had finally started, and there was nothing I could do but stay afloat so my family could live their lives in peace.

Barrick clicked his tongue, drawing me out of my daze. "You can't let him win, Juliet. When you give up, he wins."

I sighed, too tired to make sense of his words. "I should go."

The older victor didn't respond. The reflection of the fire flickered in his eyes as he stared down at the flames. We stood in silence for a minute before I turned back into the darkness.

When I entered my own house, something warm and heavy nearly knocked me down.

"You're back!" Kit's excited voice was muffled into my shoulder. Her blonde, curly hair tickled my chin, and for a second, I could have sworn it was Moe giving me the hug. I blinked and the image was gone, replaced by Kit's excited face as she beamed up at me.

I gave her a weak smile, detaching myself from her arms. My mom peaked around the corner, accompanied by the smell of something delicious.

"Perfect timing! Dinner's ready."

The smile on my face was now genuine as I allowed myself to have this moment of normality. "It smells wonderful. I'll grab plates."

Kit and I reached up into the cabinets to grab the dishes, giggling when my father had to reach for the ones up high. My younger sister was almost fourteen and her head just reached my shoulder. I was praying she would have another growth spurt and be blessed with my dad's height, but I also couldn't imagine my baby sister growing up.

We sat down at the table, and the pleasant chattering of my family settled on my shoulders like a warm blanket. The coldness that seemed so deeply rooted in my body slowly gave way.

"So, honey, how were the interviews?" My mother glanced up from her plate, looking at me curiously.

The cold slammed back into my body, rushing all the way down to my feet. Any warmth I felt toward my home had quickly dissipated. I dropped my fork onto my plate with a loud clang, my fingertips too icy to grip the utensil anymore.

"I'm not hungry anymore." The wooden chair scraped harshly across the floor, and the three people I loved most in the world looked at me with dumbfounded expressions. A small voice in the back of my mind reasoned that they didn't know, that they weren't being malicious, but I was tired of putting on a façade that everything was okay. "I'm going for a walk. Don't wait up."

I grabbed the bag I had dropped by the entrance, slinging it over my shoulder and slamming it behind me. I should have felt guilty, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

The District Nine Victors' Village was far off into the wheat fields. I guess that whoever built it figured this would be the most pleasant area to reside. They weren't wrong. The fields stretched out as far as the eye could see, but on a sunny day, you could see the tall silos and factories in the distance. At night, I could barely see anything, but I knew exactly where I was headed.

There was a small hill across from our little village. It wasn't massive, but it was tall enough that you could look out over the expanse of fields from the top. It was too dark to see them now, but it had become my little hideaway in the past few weeks. My legs burned by the time I reached the top and I realized how much my entire body was aching. The grass was cool beneath me as I flopped down on the ground, rolling onto my back to gaze up at the stars.

It was nearing the end of May, and although it was warm during the day, it was still cool at night. The sharp blades of grass poked at me through my thin sweater, so I sat back up, pulling my knees to my chest. The moonlight illuminated the fields below, giving everything a silvery shine. The row of houses that made up our pathetic Victors' Village seemed tiny in comparison to the acres stretched out around it.

I felt small.

When I was first reaped, I questioned the odds. I was a small fish in such a large pond, with thousands of other names that could have been picked instead of mine. After what Luke had told me about my reaping being his punishment, I no longer blamed the odds. I blamed Snow.

I grabbed my bag, pulling out the bottle of unknown liquor I had taken from Barrick's house on my way out. He tried to tell me to be strong, but I didn't see how that was possible in a situation like ours. I used to judge Barrick for being a drunk, especially when I was a tribute fighting for my life, but now I could see the appeal. I wasn't entirely sure how Luke had lasted this long being sober, but I guess he was just a better person than me.

I took a swig from the bottle, trying not to wince at the taste. After a few more sips, the burn hurt less than it did the first time. There was a pleasant tingle in my chest, but all I wanted was for the numbness to return.

Numb, numb was good. Numb was how I felt through my victory tour, up until the final stop at the Capitol when the walls came crashing down. I tried so hard to build it back up, but even though the cold had crept back into my bones, it wasn't quite enough to block out the hurt.

This was a different feeling than the usual cold that numbed my veins. It was a deep, burning sensation that throbbed from my throat down to my toes. it wasn't cold, but it was a welcome pain. The pain was numbing, and that's all I really wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Luke**

I woke up to a pounding on my door. The sudden sound made my blood run cold and I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing in deeply. I was home, in District Nine. Not the arena.

The sheets were twisted tightly around my legs, a sign that I had probably been having a nightmare. They had reached a peak when Juliet was in the arena, but in the past month they had finally started to lessen. I didn't think they would ever completely go away, but there were a few nights a week I could actually sleep.

The pounding started back up again, reminding me why I had woken up. Groaning, I rolled off the side of the bed, making my way down the staircase that was much larger than necessary. Sleep still clouded my vision and I was too tired to even think about what was on the other side of my door in the middle of the night.

Suddenly, I felt much more awake when I opened the door. Kit was standing on my porch, hand raised in a fist as she prepared to knock again. Hanging limply from her arm was Juliet, her hair falling in curtains around her face as she mumbled incoherently to herself.

"I found her…" The thirteen-year-old sniffled as she pleaded with me. Her face was blotchy from crying and she thrust Juliet out in front of her. "I can't bring her home like this."

The smell of booze that I had familiarized with Barrick slapped me in the face. I grimaced, taking Juliet into my arms. She lifted her head, eyes glossy and unfocused.

"No! No, no…" The small girl thrashed against me, pushing hard against my chest. I sighed, holding her tighter.

"I'll sort it out, Kit."

The younger girl nodded jerkily, dropping Juliet's bad onto the porch. We both winced as the sound of a bottle clattered against the cement. Kit's face turned angry and she stomped away, back down the pathway and across the street.

"No, no!" Juliet thrashed faster as Kit walked away. I pulled her backwards, shutting the door and turning on the nearest light.

"Get off me!" She twisted harshly, stronger than I thought she would be in her state. She fell to the floor with a loud thud and began crawling across the rug.

"What is wrong with you?" I shouted angrily, reaching down to pick her off the floor. She kicked out roughly and I pulled back in pain.

"Stop hurting me! I need…I need Luke." She gasped, her head falling to the floor as sobs began to rack her body.

I bent down in front of her, trying not to be hurt by the way she flinched away. "I'm right here."

Juliet looked up at my words, her mouth parting as she tried to focus her eyes. "Oh. _Oh. _There you are." She slurred, reaching up a hand to pat my cheek. "Please, don't let him hurt me."

"Come on, you're freezing." I put an arm under her knees, lifting her up bridal style and carrying her up the steps. She wasn't as frail as she had been when she first came out of the arena, but she was nowhere near as healthy as she was a year ago. Her head lulled to the side and she continued to mumble something I couldn't understand. I had dealt with drunk Barrick enough times after my Games to know the best ways to help, but it felt different with her. It made me angrier.

"Mmm…don't feel so good." She tried to lift her head up, but she only got halfway before she gave up, letting her neck fall back over my arm. I grimaced but changed direction to the bathroom rather than the bed. Gently, I lowered her to the ground and she crawled over to the toilet. She had barely reached it before she began heaving up whatever she had consumed.

"Oh Jules." I sighed, reaching forward to hold back her thick hair. There was a burning anger sparking in my chest, but I tried contain it. No matter how upset I was, there was no point arguing with her in this state. When I finally got her to the bed, her face was stained with tears.

"It hurts." She whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut.

I nodded sadly. "I know."

It was sad, but it didn't make this okay. After everything I had gone through and done to protect the people I care about, it didn't seem fair that she had just given up so easily when she still had people relying on her. I couldn't judge; everyone handled life after the Games differently, but this was the last thing I had expected from someone so strong. What happened during her trip to the Capitol that triggered this reaction?

Thinking about all the possibilities made my stomach flip. It wasn't right to take advantage of her drunken state, but I needed to know. I knelt by the edge of the bed, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Hey, look at me."

Juliet could barely open her eyes, but she attempted to make eye contact anyway.

"Why did you go to the Capitol, Jules?"

She squeezed her eyes shut but mumbled a response. "Interviews."

Relief blossomed in my chest. My plan had worked. I pressed my lips gently to her forehead and turned off the lights.

* * *

"Look who's finally up." My voice came out harsher than I meant it to, but I didn't feel bad. I poked roughly at the eggs on the stove top, pretending not to see her wince at the tone of my voice. I felt empathy for her situation last night, but now all I felt was disgust. I knew how difficult it was to adjust to the life of a victor, but I never would have thought she would have reached this point.

"I fucked up, okay? I already know. You don't need to tell me." She lingered in the doorway of the kitchen, her brown, puppy-dog eyes looking up at me. Something pooled in the pit of my stomach but I just contributed it to the anger.

"No, I don't think you understand. Do you even remember how you got to my house?" I questioned her angrily. As long as I've known Juliet, I've known Kit, the little girl who thought her sister could do no wrong. Juliet was her hero. And last night, it had been the thirteen-year-old who found Juliet in shambles. Judging by her guilty expression, she at least remembered that.

"I'm sorry, I just…needed something." She struggled, her voice quiet. The eggs were way over-cooked by now, but I was afraid if I looked anywhere but the stove I would snap.

When she didn't get a response from me, she stepped further into the kitchen. "Why are you so angry at me?"

"Dammit, Juliet. It's because you were being selfish. Everyone wants something to make the pain go away. But we have people relying on us to be strong. It's not about you anymore, it's about everyone else affected by this." I turned off the stove and crossed by arms, steeling my expression as I made eye contact with her across the kitchen.

"How would you have felt if I was too drunk to even mentor you?" I hissed between my teeth, biting harshly at my lip. I knew it was a low blow, but it seemed like lately I couldn't keep my emotions in check.

"I'm sorry." Tears pooled up in her eyes and she looked down. Her voice was quiet and broken, and the anger in my chest dissipated slightly.

"You're forgetting that I'm your best friend. And that I literally understand exactly what you're going through. I'm trying to be here for you, you just need to let me."

She nodded at the ground, wiping quickly at her face. In all the long years that I had known Juliet, I only saw her cry a handful of times. In past few months, we had both shown a lot more emotion than I was used to. The Capitol had broken us down and spit us out as shells of ourselves. I didn't want to be tough on her or make her cry, but I wouldn't allow her to let them win.

I stayed quiet and turned back toward the burnt eggs, putting them on a plate and holding them out to her. It wasn't quite an acceptable apology, but it was the best I could do. She slowly grabbed the plate, moving to take a seat at the table. I sat down across from her, watching as she picked at her breakfast. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Listen, if you're going to take of yourself, you need to start with actually eating." It was no secret that she had lost even more weight since her time in the arena. She was thin before, but always muscular. Now, she looked like skin and bones.

She glared at me, her eyes rimmed with red, but she shoved some down her throat.

"If you want me to eat, maybe you shouldn't burn the eggs." She shot back at me through a mouthful, causing the corners of my mouth to turn up in amusement. I didn't know if we would ever be able to go back to the way they used to be, but at least the constant tension between us had lessened slightly.

Once she had finished the plate, she placed it in the sink and looked around the kitchen for the first time. "Where's your family?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, the lonely feeling in my gut growing as I thought about her question. "They, uh, decided they felt more comfortable back at the old house."

Juliet frowned, her dark eyes analyzing an old picture of me and my brother that hung above the stove. "Why?"

"Not everyone wants what the Capitol has to offer." I stated bitterly. I wasn't upset with my family, but I knew they were trying to distance themselves from the Capitol as much as possible. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed that luxury. As always, Juliet picked up on the actual emotion I hid underneath my bitterness and annoyed front.

She smiled sadly and pulled herself up to sit on the kitchen counter, swinging her legs in the air. "Clearly we need each other."

I rolled my eyes but grinned at her anyway, getting up from seat and moving to lean against the counter next to her. I felt guilty for yelling at her earlier, but it seemed that we had reached an unspoken understanding.

Juliet must have found one of my oversized sweaters, and practically engulfed her tiny body. Her dark hair was piled into a large bun on the top of her head. Suddenly, I had an odd urge to smooth away the strands that fell into her face, but I clasped my hands into fists hard enough that my nails dug into my palms. The neckline of the sweater fell over her shoulder, exposing her bare collar bone. My first reaction was to look away before I was caught staring, but I noticed something different.

"Your scar is gone." I pointed out dumbly, motioning to the smooth skin across her collar bone. I tried not to think about how she had gotten that scar in the first place, but the image of Atlas cutting her up against the tree played like a movie in my brain and I felt nauseous.

Juliet shrugged, pulling the sweater back up over her shoulder. "They weren't sure if they could get rid of it at first, but they figured it out."

She leaned in toward me, holding out her left arm. "I did keep one, though." Yanking up her sleeve, she displayed the thin, jagged line across her forearm. It wasn't quite as long as mine, but it was just as deep. My breath caught as my gaze automatically flew to my right forearm, where my own scar stood white against my skin.

I brought my hand up to trace her scar, feeling as she tensed beneath me. I now understood her fascination with mine, back when I had first returned and we had tried to rebuild our friendship. Back then, she hadn't understood why I didn't let the Capitol heal my scar. I could see it in her eyes now, that just like me, she needed the reminder.

"As if back to back victors wasn't cheesy enough, now we have matching scars." I breathed out jokingly to ease the tension, but it did little to calm my pounding heart. She looked up at me, her lips twitching upward. I couldn't stop staring at her mouth, wanting nothing more to kiss her like I had before. No matter how much I had tried to keep her at a distance or find fault with her, it only made it more difficult to not drop everything and scoop her into my arms.

I could practically hear my heart pounding as her lips parted, but I didn't give her the chance to say anything.

"You should go find Kit and do damage control." I flung myself away from the counter, pretending not to notice as her face fell at my suddenly cold tone. I busied myself with rinsing her plate in the sink.

"Yeah, okay." I heard a light thud as she hopped off the counter, stepping toward the door.

The footsteps stopped as she lingered awkwardly for a minute. "See you later."

Once the door had shut, I knew it was safe for me to stop scrubbing at the already clean dish. I turned off the sink, breathing out slowly as I watched the water swirl down the drain. Now, more than ever, I wish things could go back to the way they were before the 72nd Hunger Games.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So sorry for the long delay! I was really busy at the beginning of this semester and was having a bit of writer's block with everything going on. More chapters coming your way! Enjoy.**

**Chapter 4 – Luke**

The door to my bedroom creaked open, instantly putting my senses on high alert. Soft footsteps made their way closer, treading carefully on the hardwood floor. The moonlight filtered through my window, barely illuminating a small, dark figure moving toward the bed. Had someone figured out what I was doing? I jumped upward, pinning the intruder against the wall.

"_Ow_!" Juliet's surprised voice wheezed out, pushing off the arm I held against her chest.

I stood back, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I couldn't help but feel irritated that she had managed to sneak up on me like that. "Sorry."

I couldn't make out her eyes in the darkness, but I could tell by her silence that she understood my reaction. Ever since the arena, it was like all my senses were magnified and on high-alert at all times. I don't think I've managed to sleep through one night fully without waking up at the slightest sound of movement, my muscles prepared to run at any minute.

"I – I had a nightmare and I thought…" She cleared her throat. "I can't take any sleeping pills. All they do is trap me in my own mind for longer."

I wished I could tell her that the nightmares would go away, but mine were still as vivid as ever.

"You can stay here." I shuffled back toward the bed, drowsiness kicking in. The adrenaline that pumped through me fled my body as soon as I realized I was safe and I couldn't hide my yawn.

The bed shifted slightly as she laid down beside me, staring blankly up at the ceiling. My eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness, and with the moonlight shining directly onto her face, I could easily see the dark bags under her eyes.

"I'm sorry I woke you." She turned on her side, her face going dark again as she turned away from the light. I could feel rather than see her gaze locked onto mine, and I suddenly was very aware of the face that I was only in my boxers. I coughed awkwardly, flipping onto my back and crossing my arms over my chest.

"It's fine." I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut. I would never admit it to her, but it was comforting knowing that I was no longer alone in battling the nightmares that plagued me after the arena. It wasn't something I would ever admit to my parents, and it was definitely not something I would ever talk about with Barrick. Juliet's breathing eventually got slower as she drifted off into sleep, and it wasn't much longer before I followed.

* * *

I felt the bed shift as someone sunk down onto the mattress beside me. The moon light filtered through the window, barely illuminating Juliet's figure. I kept still as she curled up against my side, keeping my breathing even.

The month of June was almost over. A warm breeze blew through the slightly open window, causing the curtains to flutter and cast a long shadow across the bed. I was sweating slightly, but it wasn't because of the weather. This was the third week in a row that Juliet had shown up in my room, give or take a few days. It really did help with the nightmares during the night while I was sleeping, but unfortunately not the nightmare I had to face while awake. I stayed as still as possible, and after Juliet's breathing finally slowed, I quietly slipped my body out from under the covers.

I got dressed quickly, checking my watch to make sure I had enough time. It was just past three in the morning, leaving me a little less than two hours to complete my job. I shuffled down the stairs, making sure to skip the steps that creaked the most. The last thing I needed was Juliet to wake up and wonder where I went. I opened the small closet at the base of the stairs, reaching past the hanging coats to grab the item they were hiding.

I flexed my gloved fingers across the sleek body of the crossbow, ignoring the pang in my chest as I noticed how comfortably it fit in my hand. There was nothing I could do about it at this point; I had to do this. For my family, for Juliet.

The envelope I received earlier in the week contained only a small piece of paper that was now tucked tightly into my back pocket. My fingers itched to rip it into shreds, but I had already committed the address to memory. Strapping the crossbow across my body, I left through my backdoor and set off into a jog.

The journey from the Victors' Village in the fields back to town was usually beautiful and calming. Instead, like every night that I set out on a job, it was dark, menacing, and foreboding.

The dark shapes of the grain silos gradually become closer until I was standing under their shadow, hiding from the moonlight. After spending the past two years in the spotlight, with every move I made scrutinized by the Capitol and Snow, being completely hidden by the dark was an odd feeling.

My heart beat faster as I reached the edge of town. My body ached to turn down the street to my left where I knew my parents and brother were sound asleep. Instead, I forced myself to turn right, the address of my destination on repeat in my head. I followed the shadows until I reached a small white house with the correct numbers on the front.

I let myself breathe for a moment, calming my heart rate. Compartmentalizing my feelings had become almost second nature, and it didn't take long to mentally shut away any sort of emotion.

My legs moved automatically, carrying me to the back door of the house as I slipped into soldier mode. The doorknob twisted easily in my grip; I didn't even need to use the lock pick I had tucked into my pocket. I pushed the door open slowly, wincing as the slight squeak seemed amplified in the quiet night. The bottom floor was barren – only small, empty looking kitchen and a small chair next to the fire place.

I crept up the stairs. The only two rooms at the top were a tiny bathroom and what I assumed was a bedroom at the end of the hall. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until it rushed out of me in relief when I realized what it meant – there were no children in this house.

My hands gripped tighter to my crossbow as I brought it out in front of me. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, leaving me enough room to peek inside. Closest to the door sat an old rocking chair next to a large dresser. A pristine looking Peace Keeper uniform hung on the wall beside the bed, a large gun propped up underneath it.

I stepped into the room, unflinching as the floorboards creaked under my weight. The man lying on the bed sat up, blinking his eyes in surprise as I loomed in the doorway.

I raised the crossbow steadily, and before he could reach his gun, I pulled the trigger.

* * *

By the time I returned home, the sky was a pale yellow as the sun began to rise over the fields. I pulled a few eggs out of the fridge, not even bothering to get back in bed. It wasn't long before Juliet came down the steps, her eyes droopy from sleep.

"You're up early." She noted, covering her mouth as she yawned.

"So are you." I raised an eyebrow, placing a plate on the table in front of her as she sat down. She smiled gratefully, taking a bite and chewing slowly.

"Nightmares." Her voice sounded resigned. Normally, I would have felt guilty for leaving her to sleep on her own, but I didn't feel much of anything at the moment. I nodded in understanding sitting down across from her.

Juliet pushed the plate away after a few bites, a sour look on her face. "The Reapings are in a few weeks. I think it's making them worse."

"What was it this time?" I questioned, leaning back against the chair as I studied her expression. She kept her eyes trained to the table, but I could tell she was anxious by the way she twisted her hair between her fingers.

"The usual. It's the mutts, mostly. Sometimes Layla, sometimes Moe, sometimes even…" She trailed off as she looked up at me, clamping her mouth shut. "What about you?"

It was my turn to look away from her steady gaze. "I'm fine. No nightmares."

It wasn't exactly a lie – I hadn't had a nightmare recently. But I hadn't really been sleeping either.

Her eyes narrowed. "This works both ways, Luke. I can't help you if you don't tell me anything."

"I said I'm _fine_, Juliet." My voice came out harsher than I intended, but it was enough to break her stare.

"You've never even told me about your Games." She persisted, carrying her plate up to the sink.

"I'm not sure what else to say, Juliet. You watched them on the TV, didn't you?" I responded dryly, not in the mood for a heart to heart.

She frowned, her expression darkening. "You claim to understand how I'm feeling, but you never even told me how _you_ were feeling."

I rolled my eyes. We had this argument plenty of times before, when I had returned home from my Victory Tour. Juliet had asked me continuously about the Games, but the wound was just too fresh. Now, that wound had scabbed over, and I really didn't feel like picking at it again.

I stayed quiet, biting my tongue. I wasn't in the mood to get into an argument with Juliet, especially not when things had been good between us for the past month. The kitchen became a lot brighter as the sun rose high enough to suddenly filter through the windows. She blinked as her eyes adjusted, sighing as she slipped into her sneakers that were sitting by the front door.

"I'm taking Kit to the forest today. If you decide to snap out of your shitty mood, you're welcome to join us."

The door shut harshly behind her with a little more force than necessary.

I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful to have a moment alone to collect my thoughts. As if on cue, the phone hanging on the wall began to ring aggressively. There was really only ever one person who ever called the Victors' Village.

"Hello?" My numb hands picked up the receiver, already anticipating the voice on the other end.

"Good morning, Luke. I take it you have good news to share?" President Snow's gravelly voice sounded smug. My grip on the phone tightened, but I shoving my emotion back behind that mental door in my brain. I imagined locking it and throwing away the key, not wanting to ever open it back up.

"It's done," I responded flatly, "Everything is taken care of."

The President made a satisfied noise of approval. "We'll be in touch, Luke."

I stayed silent as he paused, itching to slam the phone back into its receiver.

"Send my regards to Juliet and your family." The line clicked as he disconnected. What would have been a nice sentiment only came out as a threat from Snow's mouth. I hung up the phone and retreated to the stairs, hoping a cold shower would help clear the mess of thoughts in my head.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading! Please review and let me know your predictions for the upcoming chapters!**

**Chapter 5 – Juliet**

Kit moved her breakfast around on her plate, looking sick to her stomach. I had been watching her all morning, unsure what to say to comfort my little sister. No one could be comforted on Reaping Day.

I couldn't tell her that she'd be okay, because that wasn't something I could promise. I just hoped that I had pleased President Snow enough that he wouldn't rig the Reaping to put Kit in the Games. The thought made my stomach turn unpleasantly.

My entire family sat in silence. No one had really touched their breakfast, but that wasn't uncommon on a day like today. I wondered if everyone was remembering this exact morning last year, when all of our lives had changed as soon as my name was called out.

Kit, now fourteen, had an even greater chance of being picked this year. Although the thought made me nervous, it was worse knowing that if President Snow wanted her in the Games, there was no amount of luck that could stop that from happening.

"Did you hear? Another Peacekeeper was killed a few nights ago. Rumors are that he was a Rebel." My father attempted small talk, lowering his voice when he mentioned the Rebels. My mother made a noise of agreement, but no one bothered to continue the conversation.

After another agonizingly quiet minute, I pushed myself away from the table, my chair made a loud screeching noise. My parents and Kit turned to look at me, solemn expressions on their faces.

"We should get going." I offered Kit a smile, but I knew that it looked force. The small blonde nodded in agreement, delicately rising from the table and smoothing out her pale-yellow dress. I looked down at my own, feeling slightly self-conscious. The simple black dress had arrived in the mail a few days ago, and I knew that I didn't have much of a choice in the matter.

I felt like I was attending a funeral. In a twisted way, I was.

I hugged my parents tightly. I would be off to the Capitol today as a Mentor, and I had no idea when I would be able to see them again.

"We'll meet you there, Kit." My mom reassured the fourteen-year-old, fixing my sister's mess of golden curls. Kit nodded in response, staying silent. I hadn't heard her speak a word all morning, and it was saddening to see the usually chatty girl so serious.

After another round of hugs, we set off toward the town. I was half-expecting to see Luke leaving his own house, but I knew he was probably already in town at his family's house. His younger brother was only a year older than Kit, and I knew he was probably thinking the same thing as me. Had we done enough to protect our families?

As we got closer to the Town Center, more children were emerging from their homes. I felt uncomfortable under the weight of the stares, as if I had done something wrong by surviving. Kit's small hand slipped into mine, giving it a squeeze. My mind flashed back to a year ago, when we had walked hand in hand to the Reaping with no idea what was ahead of us.

Physically, Kit had done a lot of growing up since then, almost catching up to me in height. Her baby face had thinned out, her hair was even blonder, but the biggest change was the darker look haunting her blue eyes. I had been so wrapped up in my own life the past few months that I never thought about how my own family was handling things. Although she looked older in appearance, she had already aged way past her years.

"You'll be fine, Juliet." She spoke, giving me a tiny smile. A hysterical giggle escaped my mouth, and she looked at me like I was crazy.

I shook my head. "I'm supposed to be the one comforting you, Kit. Not the other way around."

Her smile widened for a split second, but quickly fell when we reached the Town Center.

"I'll see you after the Games, okay?" I dropped her hand, unwilling to say goodbye. She took a deep breath and gave me one final hug, squeezing a little harder than usual. I watched as she got in line to check in, curls bouncing as she was surrounded by her friends.

I walked around the outside of the crowd, spotting Luke standing by the side of the stage. He was staring out into the crowd, a glazed look over his face. I nudged my shoulder against his, snapping him out of whatever daze he was in.

"Hey, Juliet." His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but I appreciated the effort. "Are you ready?"

"No," I answered honestly. "But I have to be."

Before he could answer, a screeching noise from the microphone drew everyone's attention as Hilda stepped onto the stage. This year, she was decked out head to toe in purple. I couldn't help but grin slightly as I remembered her orange costume last year. We were ushered onto the stage and placed into chairs off to the side.

A year ago, Luke had sat up hear next to Barrick, looking stone-cold. This year, I had taken Barrick's chair as one of this year's mentors. I felt a strong urge to grab Luke's hand, but I kept my expression cool for the cameras. His birthday had been last month, and he was finally past the age of the Reaping. If he hadn't been reaped already, he still wouldn't have been able to volunteer for his brother. I knew that he was feeling the same way as me – helpless to keep our siblings out of President Snow's grasp.

Hilda announced that she was picking the male tribute first, and I couldn't help but glance over at Luke. His eyes were narrowed in on the fifteen-year-old section, probably searching for his brother in the crowd. His fingers gripped tightly on the side of the chair, the same expression on his face as last year's Reaping.

"Garth Whittaker!"

There were a few cries from the crowd as a tanned, dark haired boy stepped out from the fourteen-year-old section. Luke's hands relaxed slightly now that his brother was safe for another year, but seeing another young boy sent off to his death was enough to keep a sick expression on his face.

I kept my gaze straight ahead and chin held high as Hilda made her way over to the females' bowl, but I could see Luke glancing at me out of the corner of my eye. I tried to spot Kit's blonde curls in the crowd, but there were too many girls packed tightly in her section.

Hilda cleared her throat, pulling a slip out from the bowl.

"Ardice Shay, our female tribute for the 74th Hunger Games!"

I let out the breath I was holding. I was relieved that Kit was safe another year, but my own happiness made me sick to my stomach as the girl stepped up onto the stage. She looked angry, the expression looking unusual on her young face. She was also only fourteen, with bright red hair that stood out against her pale face. I didn't recognize her as one of Kit's classmates, so I assumed she must have been from the factory section of the district rather than the fields.

I wished that I could return home and forget about the two young tributes, but I didn't have that option. Besides, the female tribute needed a mentor, and I needed to do whatever it took to bring her home.

* * *

The train was exactly as I remembered. The inside was fancier than my old house, with luscious furniture, a large screen ready to broadcast the Reapings, and a large feast set out on the table.

Luke and I sat silently on the couch as Hilda ushered our tributes inside the train car. The two of them, although similar in height, were complete opposites. Garth's terrified expression plagued his tanned face as he looked around the train in awe. Ardice took on a much different emotion- red, hot fury. When I had first been reaped, I was angry, but mostly terrified for my fate. It seemed that the fear hadn't hit her yet, her features instead twisted into an obvious scowl with fire dancing in her eyes. I wasn't sure if her anger would be a positive or a negative, but I knew it would be difficult to get through to her.

"Why doesn't everyone grab something to eat? The Reapings will be on in a few hours, so you two have plenty of time to get to know your mentors!" Hila clapped her hands excitedly, ushering Garth and Ardice over to the table. Their eyes widened as they took in the array of food before them. The boy reached down excitedly to grab at a piece of bread, only to be scolded by Hilda for his manners. He shrugged, sitting down like she instructed. Ardice remained standing with her arms crossed, glaring at the food as if it was offending her.

Once Hilda left us to discuss with her tributes, Luke and I shared a look before settling down next to Garth at the table. Ardice made no move to join us, instead shifting her glare from the food back to us.

Luke cleared his throat. "I know this is less than ideal, but we're going to get you through this. We just need your cooperation and trust." He rubbed the palm of his hand against his face, looking a bit stressed. I winced slightly as he tried to sugar coat the situation, and I wondered if it was more for his benefit than the tributes.

Garth nodded energetically, but the scoff that came out of Ardice's mouth showed that she agreed with me.

"This is _way_ less than ideal. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that we're going to _die_." The words came out harsh, but I didn't blame her. The dark-haired tribute beside me looked down at his hands, looking like he was holding back tears.

"We're going to do our best to prevent that. I know the odds seem low, but we can figure out a good strategy for you guys." Luke responded calmly. I didn't trust myself to intervene.

She shook her head roughly. The red- head grabbed a piece of bread before stalking away from the table and toward the sleeping area, slamming the sliding door behind her. Luke sighed, but made no move to follow her.

Garth looked up slowly. His face was red and blotchy, but his eyes were determined. "Train me. I'm ready." He held Luke's gaze. Luke nodded, a ghost of a smile on his face.

I was hoping Luke and I would be able to train our tributes together, but I supposed it was selfish thinking. I had won my games mostly out of luck. There wasn't much I could teach Ardice besides the mantra I told myself over and over again: kill, or be killed. Regardless, I owed it to her to try. Luke nodded as I stood up from the table, giving me the confidence I needed to follow Ardice through the sliding door.

It wasn't difficult to figure out where she had gone – there were only a few rooms lining the hallway, and I had stayed in the exact room the year before. I stared blankly at the closed door for a few moments, lost in my own memories. I could almost hear Atlas' maniacal laugh and see the creepy smirk plastered on his face as he stepped closer to me. Those memories quickly transformed into the blurry ones where he held me against the tree in the arena, and I shook my head roughly to break the movie reel playing in my head. There was no time for me to spiral back down that road.

I knocked lightly but received no response. I rapped my knuckles against the metal door slightly harder, this time earning a muffled 'go away'.

Sighing, I carefully slid the door open to find her face down on the plush comforter. She pushed herself upright as I entered. Her eyes were puffy and rimmed with red, but the flames of fury still danced in her eyes.

"Stop trying to help me." She pleaded, clutching a fluffy pillow to her chest. "Just leave me alone."

I sat down at the edge of her bed, careful to keep some distance between us. She was like a caged animal, backed into the corner of the bed. I knew the feeling.

"I can't do that." I sighed. I was hoping the right words would come to me, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. After a moment of silence, I tried again. "You can't give up. You have to try."

She shook her head roughly. "I'm not killing anybody. I'm not a murderer. Like _you_."

I visibly flinched at her words. She wasn't wrong.

"Fine." I snapped, standing up quickly. This certainly hadn't gone as I planned, but she clearly didn't want my help.

When I returned back to the dining car, Garth was already gone. Luke laid back on the couch, a hand covering his eyes. He looked up when I walked in, sitting up slightly to make room for me.

"How did it go?" He questioned with hopeful eyes.

"Horribly." I frowned, sitting down next to him on the couch. I leaned into him slightly. It wasn't until now that I realized how tense I had been the entire day. "She called me a murderer."

Luke let out a humorless laugh. "Well, she's got balls, that's for sure."

Before I could say anything else, the door on the other side of the car slid open. Luke and I sat up straighter, both expecting Hilda to emerge. Instead, Barrick's scruffy head popped through.

Luke and I stared at him in surprise, not bothering to hide our shocked expression. As the two most recent victors, Luke and I were supposed to be mentoring while giving Barrick a well-deserved rest. He definitely did not need to be on the train heading to the Capitol, yet here he was.

He grinned at us, and I noticed his eyes were unusually clear. He was clean shaved, and looked a lot different. The last time I had seen him was when I had stolen liquor from his house. Even then, he wasn't as drunk as usual, but he was still living up to his reputation. Now, he seemed completely sober.

_Mostly sober_. I corrected myself when I noticed the near empty beer bottle clutched in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" Luke asked his old mentor, voicing my own question.

Barrick shrugged, making his way to the table and piling food onto a large plate. "Better booze in the Capitol. You'll learn."

He shot us a wink before leaving the way he came, the door sliding shut behind him. I stared at Luke, dumbfounded. My best friend just shook his head, looking exasperated.

"This is going to be a long few weeks." He murmured, looking out the window as the trees of an unknown district flew by in a blur. I leaned further into him, resting my head against my shoulder. I felt him tense, but after a moment he shifted to bring his arm around my shoulders.

My mind was going a mile a minute, switching between worrying about our current tributes to flashbacks from my own games. As if he could read my mind, Luke squeezed me closer. Although we had both managed to come out of the arena alive, we were both aware of how slim the chances were for our tributes. The Gamemakers would most likely do everything in their power to make sure District Nine didn't secure another win. Even if that wasn't a problem, both Ardice and Garth were only fourteen. The only fourteen-year-old who had ever won the Games was Finnick.

Finnick.

I bit my lip, anxious to see him again. The last time I saw him was when we had slept together back in the Capitol. I would never be able to repay him for letting me have control over my own body, even if just for a night. Still, I hoped we would never have to speak about that again, especially not with Luke around. Although I didn't regret my actions, I felt a small pool of guilt in my stomach as I looked up at Luke's hazel eyes. His gaze was still trained on the window, but his eyes were distant.

I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking about, but I supposed we all had our secrets.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Luke**

I braced myself when we finally arrived in the Capitol. Lights were already flashing against the windows, desperately trying to catch glimpses of us inside the train. Garth blinked rapidly, trying to clear the spots in his vision. I grinned, motioning for him to move away from the window. It had barely been a day, but the kid was already growing on me.

Juliet stepped out first, Ardice following glumly behind her. The grin slipped right off my face as the Capitolites screamed loudly for Juliet, reaching out to brush their hands against their most recent victor. The smirk never left her face as she moved toward the Training Center, blowing kisses the entire way.

"What are you waiting for, Luke?" Hilda scolded from behind me, giving me a gentle shove. I forced the grin back on my face as I put my hand on Garth's shoulder, leading him out of the train. He managed a small smile of his own, waving innocently at the cameras.

By the time I made it inside the Training Center, only Ardice, Garth, and Hilda stood waiting for the Prep Team. I didn't have much time to mull over Juliet's disappearance before I was being ushered away by a Peace Keeper and directed up to District 9's usual apartment.

Sitting deliberately out on the counter was a sleek, compact crossbow. I grimaced, glancing around quickly to make sure that no one had been up here before me. I picked it up gingerly. Sure enough, underneath where the crossbow had sat, lay a thin white envelope. I opened it hurriedly, desperate to hide everything before someone else entered the apartment. Just as I assumed, the only thing written on the inside was an address written in President Snow's scrawled handwriting. These envelopes were nothing like the thick, flashy ones that used to contain directions to my next 'appointment'. With these new envelopes, nothing else was necessary – an address was all I needed to be Snow's personal assassin.

There was no time to pay attention to the pang in my chest. I allowed myself one steadying, deep breath before I shut my brain down, effectively compartmentalizing the emotions that were threatening to spill out. This wasn't the way I wanted to live, but it was the only way I would make it through the next few weeks. I entered the room I had occupied the past two years, carefully sliding the crossbow and envelope under the bed. President Snow's order could wait for now – I needed to be there for Garth.

A few hours later, the sky began to darken and the stands surrounding the tribute parade were filling up with Capitolites screaming for their new tributes. The vibrant colors blurred together before my eyes and I quickly looked back toward my tribute. My hands were on Garth's shoulders as he looked up at me with wide eyes.

"I know we haven't discussed your strategy or angle yet, but I think the best thing for you to do is smile and wave. Do your best to look excited to be here."

Garth grimaced at my words. He didn't look particularly excited, but he nodded anyway.

I took a step back, taking in his costume. Both tributes were dressed head to toe in a shiny, silver material used to represent the grain silos of District 9. It definitely wasn't the worst costume, and the reflective material was sure to capture the attention of the Capitol.

I wished I had the chance to see Saffra again. I wondered if she was in charge of Garth or Ardice this year.

"Thanks Luke." He nodded at me, standing up straighter under my scrutiny. "I hope they like me as much as you."

A sad feeling settled in my gut again. I didn't think anything would ever be as difficult as having to watch Juliet in the area, but mentoring a sweet fourteen-year-old was equally as horrible when I thought about his chances against the older tributes.

"You got it, buddy." I watched as he clambered onto the chariot, looking tiny in comparison to the large horses. I helped Ardice up beside him. She seemed ready to fight against me, but she quickly resigned to the fact that she couldn't make it up on her own.

I looked around for Juliet, but she had yet to arrive. I stood off to the side, my eyes surveying the crowd for her familiar stature. I wasn't sure whether I was anxious about the Tribute Parade or the little 'adventure' I had to go on later tonight, but my entire body felt tense.

"Luke." A large hand clamped down on my shoulder, jarring me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Finnick smiling from ear to ear. His large grin lessened slightly as he took in my expression. I shook my head and grinned, bringing him in for a hug.

Going to the Capitol was never fun, but seeing the other victors lessened the pain – especially Finnick.

"Who else is mentoring this year?" I looked toward the District Four chariot.

Finnick pointed to the side where a blonde, middle-aged woman stood. "It's Marina and I this year."

I nodded, turning my attention back to scanning the crowd for Juliet. I couldn't help but feel more comfortable when she was around, and I knew I wouldn't relax until she was by my side. It wasn't like her to be late, and I realized I hadn't seen her since we left the train.

"What's up with you?" Finnick questioned, nudging my side. His light eyes glanced at me with a wary expression before looking around quickly, wondering what had put me on edge.

"Nothing." I sighed. It was a lie, obviously, but I could barely pinpoint my own feelings. By the look on his face, I could tell he easily saw right through me.

"Has President Snow been – "

"No." I spat quickly, cutting him off. I already knew what he was going to ask. Technically I wasn't lying this time. There hadn't been any 'appointments' since Juliet's Victory Tour. Maybe it would have been better to say yes, just in case I were to get caught sneaking off somewhere with an envelope in my palm.

Finnick raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but for some reason he didn't seem to doubt my claim.

A small part of me was yearning to tell Finnick about my new situation. He hated the Capitol as much as I did, and I knew that he would do anything to protect his loved ones. Surely, he would understand. Unfortunately, it was too risky. I couldn't let him talk me out of doing what needed to be done.

"I'm looking for Juliet." I offered, hoping that would be enough of an explanation for my tense mood.

The District Four victor glanced around, coming to the same conclusion as me when he couldn't spot my fellow mentor. The chariots were beginning to line up, and she was nowhere to be seen. His lips formed a thin line, but he didn't say anything. It was my turn to look at him in suspicion, wondering why he seemed so secretive all the sudden. I couldn't really say anything without being hypocritical, but I knew he was hiding something. Before I could ask, a small figure caught my eye.

Juliet was walking past the chariots, her eyes trained on District Nine's. She looked flustered, as if she had sprinted down the stairs to get here. She finally made her way over to where we were standing, placing herself between us. In the dim lighting, she looked tiny and fragile in comparison to Finnick. I never would have believed she won the Games if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

"What took you so – "

"Good to see you again, Juliet." Finnick cut me off, sending Juliet his charming grin. The two exchanged an odd look for a moment before she smiled silently in response. "I better get back to Marina. See you later."

Frustrated, I turned to finish my question once Finnick had left, but the loud music of the Opening Ceremonies began blasting as District One's chariot started forward. It was impossible to hear anything over the roar of the crowd, so I turned my focus to our tributes' competition.

District One was the same as always, with two blonde Careers who waved enthusiastically and blew kisses to the crowd. They would be difficult competition, but not as much as the hulking blonde from District Two. His district partner was tiny and didn't look much older than Ardice and Garth, but the hard look in her eyes and excited grin showed that she wasn't to be under-estimated. If she was as young as she looked and still a Career volunteer, she was most likely a force to be reckoned with.

The rest of the parade was uneventful, and although Garth did a good job of interacting with the crowd, the loudest cheer didn't come until the last District pulled out into the crowd.

District Twelve's costumes lit up in flames, drawing the attention of every tribute, Capitolite, and mentor. I exchanged a look with Juliet, knowing that getting sponsors for our tributes would be even more difficult now. The girl from Twelve was the volunteer, meaning she was already on the radar of a lot of sponsors who tended to support the outlying districts.

Juliet's lips moved as she raised her eyebrows, gaze trained on the District Twelve pair. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but I assumed her thoughts were the same as hands were locked together as they raised their arms above their heads, presenting themselves as a pair. It would get them sponsors, that's for sure, but would also put a massive target on their backs.

The cheers finally died down as President Snow gave his speech.

"At least Ardice didn't flip off the crowd." Juliet murmured, tugging me down slightly so she could whisper in my ear.

"You can't give up on her, Juliet." Ardice may not have been open to receiving help, but she had some sort of fire that could help her in the arena.

Juliet rolled her eyes. "I wasn't planning on it."

The roar of the crowd escalated again as Snow finished his speech. The tribute chariots made their way back to where the mentors stood waiting, with District Twelve bringing up the rear in a roar of flames.

Ardice hopped down as soon as the horses came to a stop. Her usually angry look was replaced by a wide-eyed expression. Juliet smiled at her patiently, congratulating her on maintaining a stoic expression the entire time.

"We can work with that, see if we can pull off a more mysterious angle." Juliet continued tentatively, careful not to press the redhead too much. Ardice nodded hesitantly, staying silent. It wasn't the excited response Juliet had been hoping for back on the train, but I was happy that she seemed to be coming around. Juliet seemed satisfied at that response, motioning for Ardice to follow her back to the apartment.

I placed a hand on Garth's shoulder steering him in the same direction as the girls.

"How did I do?" Garth asked. He looked up at me with hopeful eyes and I couldn't help the warm smile that stretched across my face.

"Great." I reassured him. This technically wasn't my first time as a mentor, but mentoring Juliet last year was in a category of its own. This year, I thought it might be slightly easier to mentor a kid I didn't know, but I was already forming an attachment to him and I knew it would be near impossible to send him off into the arena. It was a glimpse into my future – year after year I would be crushed. Unfortunately, that was the biggest price of my own survival.

He nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable as we passed through the crowd of other tributes and mentors. The male tribute from District One turned his head as we walked past, giving Garth a once over before losing interest. My grip on Garth's shoulder tightened, but the fourteen-year-old didn't seem to notice the dismissiveness of the career. I let out a breath as we finally reached the elevator. It was frustrating to see a Career tribute count out Garth so easily, but I acknowledged that Garth was on the younger, smaller end of the tributes this year. I just had to do everything I could to get him sponsors and hope that he could do the rest in the arena.

It felt like ages before Juliet had finally headed off to bed. She had sat on the balcony late into the night, and although I wanted more than anything to join her, I stayed in my room until the coast was clear to once again carry out President Snow's orders.

Garth and Ardice had retreated to their rooms almost instantly after dinner, looking discouraged after watching the recap of the Parade. Although they hadn't gotten any negative comments, most of the focus was on the pair from District Twelve. The careers were probably furious right now.

I waited another ten minutes after I heard Juliet's door shut across the hall before I quietly slipped out of my room, crossbow tucked tightly into my belt and hidden by my shirt.

The apartment was dark when I stepped out into the hallway, but I stilled when I saw a dark shape hunched over on the couch. Her red hair was illuminated by the moonlight, a dead giveaway.

"What are you doing up?" I kept my voice low, careful not to wake up anyone else. It was bad enough that Ardice had cought me sneaking out.

"Why are you up?" She threw my question back at me, but there was no attitude in her voice. Only exhaustion.

"Going on a walk. I just need some fresh air." I responded smoothly.

"Must be nice to be able to leave whenever you want to." I thought she was going to call me out on my bullshit, but her response only made me feel guilty. I felt uncomfortable. I had no idea how to handle a teenage girl – dealing with Juliet was hard enough, but I never had a little sister and I was terrified Ardice would burst into tears if I said the wrong thing. We had barely interacted until now.

"Look, Ardice. This _sucks_. I'm not going to bullshit you. Just don't forget that you have people here who were in your exact situation and want to help you. Let them."

She nodded jerkily, and I could see the reflection of tears on her cheeks. I sighed, making a move toward the door. I wished I could help her, but there wasn't much more I could say to comfort the girl without being dishonest. "You should get some sleep before training tomorrow."

I hoped she would start to warm up to us tomorrow. I knew it would tear Juliet apart if she wasn't able to help her tribute at all. Maybe it was best for her to not get attached. It sounded cold, but there wasn't much hope for the District Nine tributes this year. My head was telling me not to get attached, not to have any hope, but Garth had already been tugging at my heart strings.

I switched on my emotionless, cold exterior whenever I had to deal with anything involving the Capitol. It had worked, so far, but I felt like I was living a double life. Juliet was the only thing that stayed consistent and was the only one who made the cold exterior harder to keep up. Unfortunately, keeping this year's tributes at a distance was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It only reminded me more how human I was, and how horrible the Capitol could be.

The elevator pinged when I reached the ground floor. I rubbed my eyes, trying to ignore my exhaustion and focus on the task at hand. The elevator doors slid open, revealing a surprised figure on the other side.

"Luke?"

Finnick's mouth was parted slightly, his sleepy eyes looking more alert as he registered the situation. He looked completely disheveled, and I had no doubt he was on his way back from meeting a client.

I groaned internally. I already had to deal with Ardice, and this was not part of the plan. Finnick was the last person that I wanted to see right now besides Juliet.

"Where are you… I thought you said you didn't have any appointments." He narrowed his eyes, trying to piece together the situation.

"I don't." I snapped, shouldering past him to step out of the elevator. "I'm just stressed. It's not a crime for me to get some fresh air."

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you tomorrow." The older boy nodded as he pressed the fourth-floor button. He looked at me with a knowing expression, but he didn't press any further. I let out a breath when the doors finally shut, leaving me alone once again in the dark. I half wished the doors would open again and that Finnick would come back out, demanding I tell him everything that was happening.

But I couldn't be weak – I only needed to make it through the next few weeks, then I would be back home in Nine again. I would always be living a lie, but the lie was easier to live when I wasn't under the constant scrutiny of the Capitol.


End file.
